She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
