Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize