My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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