I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
