I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
