note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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