I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
