I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
