we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
