I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
