I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
