If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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