So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
