she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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