I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
