What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
