High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
