so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
