jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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