you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
