Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
