I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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