Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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