so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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