he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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