I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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