she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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