Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
