its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
