Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
