i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
