We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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