My first STD was from a foam party
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
