kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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