2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
