I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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