the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
