I wish I only lived at night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
