So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
