just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
