And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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