its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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