I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
