i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
