dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
