I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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