the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
