Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize