dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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