We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
