If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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