Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
