Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
