We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I AM VODKA MAN
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
