Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
