Having a random hookup so left but love u
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
