If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
