I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
