My hand turned me down
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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