how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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