Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
