She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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