Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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