dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
